. . . and other lame excuses

(CBS/AP) The cruise ship captain under fire for abandoning his vessel while thousands of passengers scrambled for rescue has reportedly come up with an explanation for his flight – he accidentally tripped and fell into a lifeboat.

I tripped and fell into a pile of all my friends’ money. —Bernie Madoff

I tripped and fell into an intern’s mouth. —Bill Clinton

I tripped and fell and took a picture of my genitals and Tweeted it. —Anthony Wiener

I tripped and fell onto a syringe of steroids. — Rafael Palmer

I tripped and fell onto my keyboard and wrote a bunch of false stories. —Jayson Blair

I tripped and fell and lost all my tax returns. —Wesley Snipes

I tripped and fell and poured poison into my brother’s ear. —Claudius

I tripped and fell and spilled all my paint. —Jackson Pollock

We tripped and fell onto the heathens. —The Crusaders