Ten More Laws Kansas Should Consider

From the Huffington Post:

Republican Kansas Governor Sam Brownback signed a bill aimed at keeping state courts and agencies from using Islamic or other non-U.S. laws when making decisions, his office said on Friday . . .

Since the Kansas legislature is in the mood to get results on important issues, here are some more things they might consider:

  1. Prohibit the refining, posession, manufacture or sale of kryptonite or kryptonite-related paraphernalia.
  2. Define marriage as being the union of two human beings, or at the very most, one human and one vampire.
  3. Officially define the sky as being blue, except in circumstances of clouds, night, and plagues of locusts.
  4. Form a committee to research the 1913 World’s Fair in Ghent, Belgium, to establish why it was just not all that worldy and sort of meh.
  5. Prohibit the ghost of Napoleon’s horse from running for elected office unless he can produce a valid U.S. birth certificate from any state except Hawaii.
  6. Automatically deny any application for a liquor license or a parade permit to the fourth dentist who refused to recommend Trident.
  7. Outlaw the wearing of live chipmunks or hamsters as earmuffs, unless they are suitably sedated by a certified veterinarian.
  8. Require all beached whales of 10 tons or more in Junction City or the surrounding state parks and recreation areas be given “reasonable life-saving measures” for at least two hours before being sold to a Japanese whaling vessel.
  9. Officially declare that the word “Kansas” has six letters and is worth a base score of 10 points in Scrabble if you’re allowing proper nouns, which although is not all that many points, sometimes you can get the K on the triple letter score and hit the double word score at the same time then it would be worth, well, um, a lot more than 10 points.
  10. Require all inmates to have access to air and gravity

French horse mounted grenadier of Napoleon Gua...